November 2012
1 post
My 21st Birthday Night
The night started with dinner at my parents with the bf and brother. We were all drinking wine and basically pregaming for the nights activities. Afterwards my brother, bf and I went to Uptown to meet up with a few people. We started at this bar called the Trophy Room for a couple of drinks and then went to the Concrete Cowboy to have another. Next door was this bar called Kung Fu which had arcade...
October 2012
1 post
I Fucked Up
I’m ready to say that I fucked up. That I got myself into a pickle. I am to blame and I have no idea what to do. I wrote out a whole post on the situation and then realized that I’m not ready to admit the details of my fuck up to anyone else. This is probably the one time that I’ve kept something completely to myself. Sorry for the mystery, but sometimes when you know...
July 2012
1 post
This Might Be a Long One
So Jennifer tried to be my BFF and we hung out a couple times and now we just text every now and then. I haven’t talked to Steve in a couple weeks. Why, you ask? Well I’ll tell you why…
My brother has a friend and his name is Dean. My brother has known him for several years, so I’ve been around him. For about a year now I’ve thought that he was cute and had a slight...
May 2012
3 posts
Part Two....Finally
The second great piece of advice that my brother’s birth mom gave me was “when somebody shows you who they are, believe them.”
I am incredibly guilty of trying to change people, or believing that people are someone completely different from what they act like. With Steve I believed that deep down he really did like me and that he was a great person, and that we were supposed to...
Just Heard this on Lifetime
“Walk into a date thinking ‘I hope I like him,’ not ‘I hope he likes me.’”
This is such a good point. (from the show The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet)
Good Advice
I was over at my brother’s birth mom’s house yesterday and she gave me two pieces of advice that I believe are worth sharing.
Piece of advice part one: Make a list of the top ten qualities you’re looking for in a guy (in order of importance) and when you meet a guy that you’re considering dating only date him if he has at least the first five traits. Here is my list...
April 2012
22 posts
Venting
I’m ready for my feelings for Steve to go away. Soooo ready. However, at the same time I have this feeling, that goes beyond just liking him, that we are meant to be together. I’m not saying we’re meant to be together forever and that he’s the one, but I feel like we’re not supposed to be finished yet, like our relationship should continue or will continue one day...
A Whole Lot of Bull Shit
Last night I came home very drunk to find a very drunk Steve on FB, and we had a very drunk conversation. He admitted to being in denial of his feelings for Jennifer and that he still likes her, but very badly wants the feelings to go away. He also pleaded for me to ask her why she has been stringing him along and to ask her if she still has feelings for him. He told me that he trusts me to tell...
5 tags
Too Many Beers
So last night I was over at my brother’s apartment for a little BBQ he was having. I was talking to his best friend Mason who had talked to Steve on Skype the night before. He told me that Steve was telling him that he was angry when Jennifer walked into church with her boyfriend, and that he was angry when he saw her talking to me and that he still had feelings for her.
Three beers later...
3 tags
I Hope Karma is Merciful
Today was a really good day. Mostly for the wrong reasons though. I went to church today and sat down with Steve. Five minutes into the service Jennifer walks in with a guy and sits in front of us. Steve’s face was not filled with anything close to happiness. Throughout the service Jennifer was touching and whispering to her guy. I kept trying to sneak a peek at Steve’s expressions,...
4 tags
The Little Things
I bet by the end of this post I’ll regret typing it because it’s going to focus mainly on what I miss from my relationship, but I wanna type it all out as well as everything that I won’t miss.
I miss always having someone to talk to. Yeah, I have some pretty good friends, but its just different when you have a boyfriend. He really wants to talk to you and have a conversation. I...
24
I made it! I went 24 hours without talking to Steve, actually more than 24 hours. He ended up texting me today also. Talk about a win, a small win, but still a win none the less.
I don’t have all that many crazy things to post today. I was talking to my brother earlier and I told him my theory on guys being in touch with their feelings. Every girl says that they want a guy that is in touch...
4 tags
Distractions, Where are You?
Last night Steve told me that wants alone time, not just away from me, away from the friends and technology. He’s failing miserably because he’s always on FB and twitter. He doesn’t seem very committed to this.
So, today I have not talked to him at all. If I last the rest of the night then this will be the first day that I haven’t spoken to him in about 3 months. It...
4 tags
I Think This New Feeling is Anger
Everyone knows that there are stages of grief, I think there are also stages of a breakup and I think I’m on stage three.
Stage one was Sadness. I was sad for a while after the breakup and I’m not saying I’m not sad now, but I also feel like the sadness is morphing into other feelings as well. My heart was broken and I felt completely helpless. I cried, I sobbed and heavily...
4 tags
A Presence in the Air
Today I went to church and for the first time in who knows how long I felt something. I realize that “something” is very vague. I will attempt to describe it as best as I can. The church I attend isn’t a traditional church, the music is far more modern and the atmosphere is quite casual. Today’s service started off with some pretty good music and I felt myself getting into...
2 tags
One Day I will be in a Mental Institution
I know that I said that I felt some progress was being made in letting go of my feelings for Steve, well after last night I second guess that.
I had been talking to Steve on FB and all of a sudden at midnight he told me that he was going to get food and that he’d be back later. Two hours after he’d signed off I was in full paranoia mode. I was sure he had to be eating with Jennifer. I...
4 tags
Paranoid and Trying to Stay Calm
I’m pretty sure Jennifer still has feelings for Steve and that if she went to Steve asking for another chance he’d give it her, even though he’s told me he wouldn’t. She is bipolar and has addiction problems, she’s also flaky and just has issues in general. But according to Steve “a piece of him will always feel like it belongs to her.” Shut the fuck up....
4 tags
I May be Seeing the Light at the End of the Tunnel
Today was actually a pretty alright day. I’m too scared to say “good” because I don’t wanna jinx it. I woke up a few hours before I needed to be at work. Like every morning I got on my phone before getting out of bed, and I’ll admit that I did go to Steve’s FB page. I then showered, got ready and got on FB on my computer. I saw that he was on chat but...
3 tags
I'm My Own Worst Enemy
So I might have sent Steve a text this morning basically lying about having a dream that got me thinking about, if given a second chance what we would do different in the relationship. His response was that it isn’t something that can be fixed. Sometimes I just really really hate myself. I swear I already knew what he’d text back, so why the fuck did I text him it?? Of course what I...
5 tags
The Deathly Hallows
Since the breakup I have been plagued with anxiety. Anxiety over what Steve is doing, who he’s with and why is he taking forever to respond to my text. Anxiety is also coming from three parts of me that can’t seem to agree with one another. My brain, my heart, and my vag.
My brain tells me that I’m being stupid. He broke up with me, I should hate him. I need to cut off contact...
5 tags
A Day at a Time
I have always been one of those people that constantly thinks, worries and imagines all about my future. I’ve realized that this might just make me go crazy. Sure, it’s alright to have goals and dreams but at this point in my life I need to make my future thoughts more broad. Such as one day I wanna meet a great guy and get married. Not, one day I wanna get back together with Steve and...
flatbottomgirl asked: I'm not asking you, I'm telling you, you're doing great! How does it feel? Do you feel empowered? Don't worry tomorrow or the next day he'll be all over you wondering I wonder what she's so busy doing that she can't text me. Today I considered texting my ex to play with his emotions but I didn't because I always get a feeling in the pit of my stomach when I...
4 tags
Never Go to Bed Angry
So last night I ended up texting the ex around 11:30. My text consisted of a peppy “Heyy.” Three hours later I received a response. By this time my peppy-ness was all gone.
He told me that he had left his reading glasses at home and had had too much to drink. This is what made my anger bubble over. He had told me a couple months ago that after drinking way too much at New Years he was...
3 tags
Staying Strong
One of my friends has always advised me to play hard to get. Not like REALLY hard to get, but just to give a guy somewhat of a challenge. I think it’s really good advice, but I’ve never been able to follow it. I’m the exact opposite of hard to get. I’ll always text you back quickly, I’m always free to hang out and my work/school schedule is not difficult to plan...
5 tags
Deep Down We're just Asking for Trouble
The title comes from a quote I just heard while watching Grey’s Anatomy. The sad part is that I think it’s completely true. You can deny it all you want but deep down everyone likes a little trouble in their life, it adds excitement, and who doesn’t like excitement?
Why do people wanna stay friends with their exes? I think there are two main reasons.
1. You’re holding on...
4 tags
Sleeping with the Enemy
The night that I was broken up with I went over to my brother’s apartment to cry and tell him what happened. The guy I had been dating, let’s call him Steve (after my favorite Shameless character) was a friend of my brothers before he was ever my boyfriend. So anyway, I told my brother what happened and how Steve wanted to be friends with me. My brother’s immediate response was...
The Beginning, or So I Hope.
It was early January when I entered into a relationship with a guy I had been talking to for a couple of weeks. He was sarcastic like I was, enjoyed the same television shows and even loved to go shopping. I warmed up to him instantly, which is very odd because it usually takes me forever to be able to open up to people. We saw each other almost everyday and everything seemed to be going really...
